Attachment

Social Snacking

By Truth About Deception

If you are hungry, you probably snack.

Feeling lonely and isolated, why not engage in “social snacking?”

People, who feel the need for closeness (probably anxiously attached individuals), are most likely to snack in a social, symbolic way.

What does “social snacking” involve?

Going over…

  • Love letters
  • Text messages
  • Photos
  • Facebook Postings
  • Constantly glancing at your wedding ring

Essentially trying to recall past expressions of love and affection in order to satisfy one’s need for intimacy and closeness – just like eating when you are hungry.

Given that dismissing individuals prefer distance in their relationships, it is doubtful that they do much social snacking at all.

More on attachment styles and social snacking.

 


Talk to Your Child

By Truth About Deception

Relational problems, like everything else in life, are best when they are dealt with at an early age.  The earlier a child feels cared for and learns how to interact with others, the easier it will be for that child to succeed in life.  New research highlighted in the New York Times shows the importance of talking to a children beforethey turn three.

“The disparity was staggering. Children whose families were on welfare heard about 600 words per hour. Working-class children heard 1,200 words per hour, and children from professional families heard 2,100 words. By age 3, a poor child would have heard 30 million fewer words in his home environment than a child from a professional family. And the disparity mattered: the greater the number of words children heard from their parents or caregivers before they were 3, the higher their IQ and the better they did in school. TV talk not only didn’t help, it was detrimental.”

In their first relationship in life children learn skills that will guide them through the rest of their lives.  Children learn how to express their emotions, take another’s perspective, and communicate effectively.

 


Attachment and Marriage

By Truth About Deception

Most of the research on infidelity and attachment has been done on unmarried couples. This research shows that insecure individuals – people with an anxious or dismissing style of attachment – are more likely to cheat.

New research shows that this pattern is not the same when looking at married couples. Being anxious and married increases the likelihood of infidelity. Being married to someone who is anxiously attached also increases the odds of infidelity.

One possible explanation is that anxious individuals’ exaggerated need for love leads them to seek attention outside of the relationship. Or dealing with an anxious individual’s constant need for affection leads a partner to seek relief in the arms of someone else.

Dismissing individuals did not show the same pattern of results. Having a dismissing style of attachment or being married to someone who is dismissing had no impact on the likelihood of cheating.

Dismissing individuals, who are uncomfortable with intimacy, may be less inclined to cheat, because doing so may create too much insatiability. Dismissing individuals like to avoid intimacy, so once married, why would they do anything that leads to increased intimacy either within the relationship or with someone outside their relationship?

When it comes to marriage anxious lovers seem to cause more than their fair share of infidelity.

 


Facebook Surveillance

By Truth About Deception

Is your partner looking at your profile?  Checking out your new friends and monitoring what you’re doing?  That depends on who you are dating.

A new study found that individuals with an avoidant (or dismissing) style of attachment, not only keep their partners at a distance offline, but online as well.  Avoidant individuals could care less what their partners are doing on Facebook – they don’t check.

People with an anxious-ambivalent style of attachment tell a different story.  Anxious individuals experience more jealousy on a daily basis and are obsessive about checking their partner’s Facebook page for any sign of trouble.

On a bright note, people who are passionately in love with their partners are also more likely check out their partner’s Facebook status.  These individuals are driven to monitor their partner’s Facebook activity not out of insecurity, but out of love.

More on attachment styles.

 


Getting We-Ness Right

By Truth About Deception

Closeness is like everything else in life.  It’s great, but you’ve got to get the serving just right.  Get too much closeness, or not enough, and you’re headed for trouble.  A new study shows that while closeness is important – getting the amount you need is critical.  Your relationship and mental health are hanging in the balance.

The trick is finding someone, who matches your needs, while matching theirs.