Infidelity

Attachment and Hiding Online Activities with Others

By Truth About Deception

New research reveals that individuals with an insecure style of attachment – individuals who have an anxious or dismissing attachment style are more likely to engage in infidelity-related behaviors online.

When it comes to online activity people who have an anxious or dismissing style of attachment are more likely to…

  • Engage in intimate information sharing with others
  • Keep in touch with ex-partners
  • Behave in ways they try to hide from their partners
  • Hide online chats from their partners
  • Get angry and defensive when questioned about their online behavior
  • Believe their partners would be upset if they knew the truth about their online activities

Source: McDaniel, B. T., Drouin, M., & Cravens, J. D. (2017). Do you have anything to hide? Infidelity-related behaviors on social media sites and marital satisfaction. Computers in Human Behavior, 66, 88-95.

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Breaking up the Mean Way

By Truth About Deception

Individuals with Machiavellian personality traits, people who have little emotional investment in their relationships, the tendency to exploit their partners, and often engage in deception and infidelity, are not only likely to take advantage of their partners, but also approach breakups in a cruel manner.

New research shows that women with Machiavellian personality traits are likely to initiate breakups using the following tactics:

  • avoiding their partner and becoming more distant
  • acting in ways that make the relationship more costly to their partner (i.e., purposely being difficult)
  • breaking up via text message, email, voice message

Essentially, women with Machiavellian personality traits don’t take a proactive and considerate approach when trying to breakup.

You can take an online Machiavellian personality test here.

Source: Brewer, G., & Abell, L. (2017). Machiavellianism and romantic relationship dissolution. Personality and Individual Differences, 106, 226-230.

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An Insider’s View of Infidelity

By Truth About Deception

New research explores how individuals who betray their spouses think about their actions.

Essentially, this research tries to address what people were thinking as they started an affair.

The findings of the study reveal that individuals who start an affair:

  1. They tend to be unhappily married. They believe there are unresolved problems in their relationship.
  2. They also tend to have a fixed mindset when thinking about the problems they encounter in their marriage. They don’t think that their problems can be solved.
  3. They believe that they have a greater desire for passion and sexual novelty than their spouse does.
  4. They believe that sexual gratification is an important aspect of their lives.
  5. They tend to put their own concerns over consideration for what their spouse is experiencing.
  6. They don’t believe that divorce is an option.

Individuals with the above mindset don’t necessarily set out to have an affair or recognize that their actions are putting them on the path to cheating.

Instead, individuals may meet someone who is fun and interesting and start spending more time with that person. Increased time and activities lead to a greater sense of connection with the other person. Eventually, passion overrides reason and judgment. Again, people don’t see the affair coming, until after it happens.

However, once individuals cheat on their spouse, feelings of regret are common.

Source: Zapien, N. (2016). The Beginning of an Extra-Marital Affair: A Descriptive Phenomenological Psychological Study and Clinical Implications. Journal of Phenomenological Psychology, 47(2), 134-155.

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If You Don’t Trust Your Spouse, Are You Destined for Divorce?

By Brian Bayati

Trust is essential in a successful marriage. Some people consider it the foundation of a healthy relationship. In some cases, a partner’s trust has been violated, and the marriage is in danger. People suffer from trust issues for many reasons. Whether there has been infidelity or not, couples must restore the trust in their relationship before they can work on rebuilding the marriage. Is divorce inevitable without trust? The answer is sometimes. Before you can understand trust issues, you must first understand the complex nature of trust in a committed relationship.

Trust

Trust is both a feeling and choice. To trust someone, we believe in them, rely on them, and we place confidence in them. Trust can feel safe and secure, as well as allow you to decide whether a person is honest or reliable. The strongest friendships and the most stable marriages are built on this kind of trust. While it may take years to build a relationship, it can rapidly fade if there are any issues causing friction in the marriage. Once it is gone, trust is difficult to restore, but not impossible.

Infidelity

When someone cheats or has an affair during a marriage, confidence is broken. Infidelity is a violation of the boundaries of their marriage vows and one of the main reasons couples file for divorce. By law, adultery is considered offensive and immoral. However, divorce is not the only option for couples experiencing adultery. Counseling and professional help can be useful once the guilty spouse decides to apologize and remain faithful. At that point, the couple can begin to rebuild the trust in their marriage.

If infidelity has destroyed your marriage, then divorce might be inevitable. You will need to consult with an experienced family law attorney who can explain your rights and file a divorce on your behalf. People used to believe the innocent spouse was somehow at fault. However, this is not true, and often the guilty spouse feels compelled to cheat due to a lack of intimacy. If spouses are not diligent about strengthening their relationship, they will gradually grow apart.

Other Trust Issues

A wife or husband may want to obtain a divorce regardless of whether infidelity affected their relationship. Many trust issues can indicate the marriage is falling apart. No one wants to be treated like a child or accused of cheating if they are faithful. Couples must practice effective communication to avoid the following trust issues. Here are some other examples:

Finances

  • Each spouse in the marriage should have the authority to handle their finances, as well as discuss any mutual finances in the household. Unless your spouse has mishandled money or has been spending money that does not belong to them, you have no right to demand an accounting for every dollar spent. It is more efficient to plan a budget as a couple and spend accordingly. During a divorce, the court will review your financial records and determine support based on any earnings or property acquired during the marriage.

Cell Phone & Computer

  • Technology and the Internet have revolutionized how people communicate and share information. Everyone has a right to their privacy, but if your spouse seems secretive and their cell phone and computer are inaccessible, you may want to discuss possible trust issues. This behavior may be considered suspicious. If you cannot trust your partner on their phone or computer, this can become a bigger problem unless you decide to talk about it. Protect yourself from suspicious activity on cell phones and computers by being aware any incriminating evidence or behavior that seems distrustful.

Are You Destined for Divorce?

Many people need help getting over the pain of an affair, the aggravation of an overbearing spouse, or a partner who behaves as if they are still single. It takes honesty and commitment from both parties to overcome trust issues. It also usually requires the help of a therapist, spiritual leader, or marriage counselor. Regaining trust takes time, and you cannot force the relationship to improve immediately.

If neither spouse is interested in saving the marriage, divorce may be your only option. You would be wise to seek the advice of a family lawyer, especially if children are involved. Children are witnesses to the mistrust and hostility at home. You must continue to co-parent with respect and figure out what the best interest of the children is with the help a good attorney by your side.

Divorce may or may not be the answer. Only you and your spouse know the truth. Do not delay, speak to a divorce attorney and then decide. You cannot change the past, but you do have the power to get the help you need to either rebuild your marriage or obtain a divorce.

Brian Bayati is an attorney who practices family law Orange County.

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Top Signs Your Boyfriend Is Cheating On You With Your Best Friend

By Nick Bastion

vil114

Your boyfriend cheating on you is a horrible thought. But your boyfriend cheating on you with your best friend? That’s the ultimate betrayal, on so many unimaginable levels that you cannot even begin to explain. I am going to take you through some of the major signs that indicate that he could be cheating on you with your best friend.

The Top 6 Signs He Might Be Cheating With Your Best Friend

He Has Called Her Pretty Before

Has he ever said anything about whether she is pretty or not? If he’s called her attractive in any way, this is obviously an indication that he could at least have some physical attraction to her.

Is She Single?

This alone is not enough to signal that he’s cheating on you with your best friend… but consider whether she is single or not. If she’s single, it obviously means there’s an opportunity to cheat. Even if she isn’t single, though, it’s still possible that some kind of cheating is going on. If she’s in a relationship, think about whether she’s happy in it or whether she complains a lot.

She Has Told You Something Complimentary About Him

Has she ever said something to you implying or overtly saying that your boyfriend is attractive? Maybe something like “omg you’re so lucky.” This is an indication that leans toward him cheating being a possibility. Again, this alone means nothing, but if you look at the other signs (specifically, his own behavior) you can start to put the pieces together and make a judgment call on whether it seems likely that he’s cheating.

He Asks About Her A Lot

Does your boyfriend ask about your best friend a lot? Like… Way too much? This is obviously a sign that his interest goes above simple curiosity. Think about whether he ever brings her up without you even saying anything. This is a sign that he could be cheating. I’ve actually written a lot about this, you can find more drop dead giveaway signs he’s cheating here right now on Vixen Daily.

He Acts Weird When Around You Two

Does he just act odd when he’s around both of you? Do you get a weird vibe when you’re hanging out that you didn’t before? This is a sign that he could be cheating.

Your Best Friend is the “Type” of Person Who Would Cheat

You obviously know your best friend (or at least, think you do). Does she seem like the type of person who would cheat or does it literally seem impossible?

The Top 7 Signs He Might Be Cheating With Anyone

He Hides His Phone From You

Is he being unusually secretive about his phone lately? Maybe he used to leave his phone lying around, but now, all of a sudden… he’s extremely private and weird about his phone. Maybe did not have a passcode before and now he does. Maybe his passcode was set to turn on after 15 minutes but now it’s set to immediately. Maybe he gets super nervous if you’re using his phone for any innocent reason.

He Seems Nervous Around You

Does he seem nervous and uncomfortable around you and act weird? Or does he almost go out of his way to be abnormally nice? This is a sign that he could be cheating.

He is Acting Different Than Usual For No Apparent Reason

Is he all of a sudden acting a lot different than he usually does? Is his behavior “off” in some way? This is a sign that he could be cheating.

He Doesn’t Have Sex With You Anymore

This is obviously a big indicator that might mean he’s cheating on you, check out this article for more signs. Unless there is something else going on in his life that’s causing him to lose interest in sex, then this is a big sign that he might be cheating. There are obviously other reasons that indicate that he might not be having sex with you anymore, but this is definitely a sign to consider.

He Makes More of an Effort to “Groom”

It’s normal for a guy to groom and do things like wear cologne, get a haircut and other good stuff like that. Different men will have different grooming habits. So think about his typical grooming habits and compare that to the way he is now. Is he all of a sudden putting a lot more of an effort into his appearance and grooming habits? If so, it could be a sign that he’s trying to impress someone else.

Your Gut Is Telling You He Is

This is an important one. Listen to your gut instinct. Do you just have a gut feeling that he is cheating (try this article for more on knowing for sure) but you don’t know why? Sometimes your gut is what you need to listen to. Really think about what your gut is telling you.

He’s Secretive About Money

Is he all of a sudden spending a lot of money? He might be spending it on dates or drinks or whatever else he could be doing with another woman. So if he’s all of a sudden secretive about his finances and making an effort to hide things from you, it’s a sign he is cheating.

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