And if you have been, I feel for you. It sucks being lied to.
That’s why in this article I’m going to go over the main reasons that someone might lie – plus one way you can actually avoid feeling like someone has lied to you.
The first thing to realize is…
Most People Don’t Intend To Lie To Hurt You
Unless he’s a sociopath or a sadist, he’s not trying to hurt you.
Instead, what he’s probably trying to is “avoid drama” or “smooth things over” with you.
Sometimes, the reason that a man lies is because he doesn’t want to deal with disruption or drama in his dating life. He wants to keep things as even keeled as possible.
(For more on why men lie in relationships, read my article here).
There are a few very common reasons why a man might lie in a relationship.
First, like I said before, he might lie to you in order to avoid an unpleasant conversation or drama.
In general, women are more in touch with their feelings than men are. Women tend to feel emotions more deeply, while men tend to want to avoid emotional extremes and keep themselves emotionally centered.
If he’s not sure how you’re going to react to the truth, he might avoid telling you in order to avoid a reaction he wouldn’t like, and in order to keep you happy.
The truth is, a man might lie to avoid triggering tears in his partner. I’m not saying it’s right or even decent, I’m saying that’s the way that a lot of men think.
The second most likely reason a guy might lie is to avoid drama in the relationship. If this is the case, then the relationship is probably on the rocks and headed for troubled waters ahead.
If a guy is lying just to make a relationship feel easier and drama free, he’s mortgaging the future of the relationship for the sake of the present. Eventually, the fights he’s avoiding will happen, and the relationship might not survive.
The third most likely reason a guy will lie to you is the “nicest” – he might be trying to impress you.
Guys might lie about what they do for work, or for fun, or about their true opinions because they want you to think well of them.
If a guy is lying to you about his job or how much money he makes, it’s because he wants to impress you and doesn’t feel good enough for you on his own.
This type of lying is a huge sign of insecurity, and it makes building the relationship on a firm bedrock of trust impossible.
Now, earlier in the article, I said I was going to talk about a way to avoid feeling like someone has lied to you…
How To Avoid Feeling Like You’ve Been Lied To…
As a relationship coach, I’ve had countless women come to me in tears feeling duped, deceived, and lied to by men they trusted and loved.
Most had legitimate complaints of untrustworthy behavior by their significant others, but you might be surprised to learn that many were not lied to… they just felt like they were lied to.
Many of these women went through all the trauma, heartbreak, and dejection of feeling like their man had lied to them and broken their trust – without ever having been lied to in the first place.
In those cases, these women had not been lied to… they had just heard what they selectively wanted to hear from their men and ignored anything else he said or did.
Let me give you an example. Let’s say a man and a woman are going out on dates and spending the night with each other often. He has told her he’s not looking for a relationship, and they continue to be involved with each other… only she believes they’re dating more and more seriously because they’re spending more and more time with each other.
Eventually, things reach a breaking point where she asks him why he’s not taking the relationship seriously, and he denies that they were ever in a relationship in the first place.
End result? She feels betrayed and lied to… when in reality he never lied to her.
The crucial point here is that she was only paying attention to the things she wanted to pay attention to, and selectively listening to only the things she wanted to hear.
He outright told her that he didn’t want a relationship, but because it wasn’t something she wanted to hear she ignored him. Then, she wound up hurt and feeling betrayed when they didn’t end up together.
Remember to always listen to everything a guy says, not just selective parts. This will help you avoid tons of heartbreak and feelings of being lied to.