Relationships

Is Your Marriage Worth Saving?

By Marie Miguel

Have you ever felt that you and your spouse have been fighting almost every day about random and meaningless things? Maybe there are times that you feel like you should just give up on your relationship. You might think, ‘Why bother trying to save such a terrible relationship that is so clearly making us miserable?’ Your marriage wasn’t always this way, was it? At the beginning, it was new and exciting. Now you just want to avoid them at all costs. What should you do?

Communication is Key

If you and your partner are having any sort of relationship problems, almost any issue can be addressed with clear communication. Perhaps it used to be easy to talk to your partner earlier in your relationship, but now, you may feel like you don’t know how to bring things up anymore, let alone discuss your issues constructively. This is one of the many aspects of a relationship that marriage counseling is good for. There are many marriage counselors who specialize in different relationship issues and dynamics, so whatever your difficulty may be, there is a counselor that is right for you and your partner. Seemingly insurmountable issues like infidelity can be addressed and overcome with the right help and techniques.

Too Busy to Talk

Everyone is busy these days. How are you going to find the time to look for a therapist, much less set an appointment that both of you well be able to attend? There is a solution for that as well – consider online marriage counseling. Other than saving you valuable time, benefits include the fact that it is also a more comfortable and accessible medium for those who have trouble talking about their feelings face-to-face with someone who is external to their relationship. In fact, being able to communicate with a therapist through text, online chat, email, or even through a phone call has been extremely beneficial to those having marital problems in general. You and your spouse may find it easier to work with a counselor by talking to each other – and them – through text or online chat. Not having to be in the same room with your other half and/or your therapist can sometimes make you feel less nervous or self-conscious when discussing your relationship struggles.

Save Your Marriage and Your Money

Finances are one of the most common topics that couples argue about. Perhaps it may be a reason why you’re considering marriage counseling in the first place. A large benefit to online marriage counseling is that it is much less expensive than traditional face-to-face counseling. Since your therapist is saving money by not having to pay building rent or leasing costs, buy supplies and furniture to furnish their office, hire and retain employees to work in their office, and not paying utility bills to sustain a brick-and-mortar office, they pass those savings onto you, their clients. In fact, traditional counseling can cost you between $200 and $400 per hour while online counseling on some platforms only costs about $35 to $70 per week.

Is Our Marriage Worth It?

Is your relationship worth saving? Ultimately, only you and your partner can make that judgment for yourselves. However, the fact that you are considering marriage counseling means that you still care about your partner. You owe it to yourself and your partner to give counseling a try. With online therapy, you do not need to set an appointment and move around your whole schedule to get the help you need. You can take things at your own pace, from the comfort of your own home.

 


Women Reveal while Men Conceal

By Truth About Deception

New research shows that there are sex differences when it comes to cheating. Specifically, when cheating on a partner women are more likely to tell the other person that they are in a relationship than are men.

In short, women are more likely to reveal the truth about their relational status when cheating while men are more likely to conceal their relational status.

It’s assumed that women have an easier time cheating when the other person knows that there won’t be any commitment, while men are less successful at cheating when they make it clear that it’s a no strings attached situation.

Source: Hughes, S. M., & Harrison, M. A. (2018). Women reveal, men conceal: Current relationship disclosure when seeking an extrapair partner. Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences. Forthcoming – link to article.

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Are Republicans more Sexually Deviant than Democrats?

By Truth About Deception

While conservatives hold more negative views toward pornography, same-sex relationships, and premarital sex, do more traditional views about sexuality influence Republicans’ actual behavior?

New research, based on a data breach by the adultery website, Ashley Madison, reveals that Democrats are least likely to use Ashley Madison while Libertarians were the most likely to do so. Republicans and other voting groups (Independents, and Greens) fell somewhere in-between.

The researchers note that it is possible “that many people endorse conservative sexual attitudes strategically, rather than out of earnest belief.” It’s very similar to research showing that homophobic men tend to be turned on by gay-male pornography.

Sometimes people doth protest too much.

Sources:

Arfer, K. B., & Jones, J. J. (2018). American political-party affiliation as a predictor of usage of an adultery website. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 1-9. Link to research.

Adams, H. E., Wright, L. W., & Lohr, B. A. (1996). Is homophobia associated with homosexual arousal?. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 105(3), 440-445.

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Are Human Beings meant to be monogamous by nature or not?

By Alycia Gordon

Staying forever with our one and only better half is what most of us dream about. Once you find the elusive ‘one,’ you cannot imagine letting them go. Building a relationship with roots of loyalty, faith, and trust – the idea of each partner going elsewhere for sexual gratification is out of the question.

From around 5000 species of mammals including human beings, only 3 to 5 percent tend to form monogamous, lifelong relationships. Monogamy is when two people make vows to each other. They promise to stay together and never indulge in sexual contact with someone other than their primary partner while polygamy is the practice of having more than one sexual partner at the same time.

You would be surprised to know that a committed partnership between a man and a woman has not always been the universal norm. Humans carry the evolutionary imprint of polygamy. The practice of monogamy initiated only around 1000 years ago.

Types of monogamy

As for human beings, there are two types of monogamy:

Sexual monogamy: This is when a couple remains sexually active exclusively with one person.

Social monogamy: When two people live together, find resources in co-operation with each another. They raise their children together, but they have flings with other people as well.

Needless to say, this defies the moral stature that is formulated by the societies today. Families are considered as a prestigious institution of the community. Uncertainty or confusion of fatherhood is a given in cases of polygamy. This may result in deterioration of moral spectrum of children.

Are humans sexually monogamous? Not Really.

To state that human beings are wired to be monogamous would be a false statement. It is entirely unnatural for human beings to stay attracted to a single partner for the lifetime. 80 percent of the early human societies practiced polygamy. The system evolved with the passage of time, and now modern societies firmly believe this shall bring order in the communities.

Varying impulses

At this point in time, only 17 percent of human cultures are monogamous. It is stated by anthropologists that only 1 out of 6 societies implement monogamy as the rule of marriage. While some anthropologists also believe that human beings could either be polygamous or monogamous. Impulses for each vary according to the individual’s cognitive levels. At times resembling mixed dementia, the sexual urge a person feels is constantly modifying.

Stephanie Coonz, a History and Family Studies professor at Evergreen State College, provides cultural patterns as the determent of monogamy.

She says:

“We are trying to figure out how to combine long-term romantic relationships with the plethora of opportunities for other forms of sexual or romantic entanglement, and different people are making different choices.”

Coonz asserts that it is the culture which determines their inclination, neither biological construct nor genetics.

A Latest Human Development

Monogamy, as we find is a recent practice of humanity. It is a societal recreation of present times. Men and women, as per the statement of David P. Brash, seek multiple sexual partners for numerous biological reasons. It is only a social construct that shaped as a response to the need for child-rearing, financial and material security.

Monogamy – pros and cons

There are some benefits associated with the practice of monogamy as well as some disadvantages that could be detrimental to the communities. The biggest gain from monogamy is the stable brought-up of children. It could sometimes be a marriage of convenience where partners stay together for the sake of their children.

Nonetheless, monogamy brings in certain demerits too. At times, it forces a person to commit infidelity or cheat on their partner. They cannot resist the sexual urge to some people, and they find unfair means to gratify their needs. Almost 90 percent of Americans think cheating is morally wrong. However, ironically, 70 percent have just thought about cheating while 40 percent actually committed cheating on their better halves. Frustration and boredom are not uncommon in monogamous relations.

According to an NBC survey, usually at some point, most of the people would cheat on their partners:

Source

Troubles with polygamy

There are uncountable examples of how people escape a monogamous relationship due to their attraction towards someone other than their partner. This behavior is the demonstration of the innate polygamous tendencies possessed by human beings.

Polygamous attitude, on the other hand, is also followed by complications. A person may feel jealousy, fear of losing out, intense competitive vibes and various ugly emotions gather up within. Dealing with them is a next level struggle in itself.

To keep oneself secure, psychologically sound and serene; it is often recommended that a couple stays loyal. Lifelong commitments would mean there is honesty between two people. The care and love for their counter-part would keep them away from sustaining sexual pleasure elsewhere.

Last words:

In a nutshell, human beings are not exactly monogamous by nature. It is a product of social construct, but as long as it brings communal stability and satisfaction to the individuals, it should be continued in the same pattern. Polygamy and monogamy are two sexual orientations which may vary from one person to another. Each makes a choice according to their norms. Sometimes, while repelling the normative influences, they find themselves at a place that keeps them happy yet makes them lose their stature in society.

Alycia Gordan

Alycia Gordan is a freelance writer who loves to read and write articles on healthcare technology, fitness and lifestyle. She is a tech junkie and divides her time between travel and writing. You can find her on Twitter: @meetalycia

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Should I Forgive My Partner for Lying About Their Mental Health?

By Alex Moore

Although engaging in a long-term romantic relationship has the potential to be a blissful and nurturing experience, it also gets tough. Navigating through the years with your significant other is hard work even when the waters are clear and calm. If the road gets bumpy, it can become quite complicated to find a middle ground between the two of you.

One problem that many couples face at least once during their run is lying. The difficult thing about coping with this particular issue is that it can occur in many forms. But perhaps the most sensitive situation is handling the fact that your partner hasn’t been honest with you about their mental health.

Should you forgive them for hiding or minimizing the severity of their disorder in front of you? There is no simple one-word answer here. Here are the factors that you need to consider before taking a decision.

How Advanced Is Their Disorder?

To determine how to proceed, you need to find out how advanced their disorder is. This is important because it provides you with a better picture of what your partner is going through. If their condition wasn’t that advanced in the past, it means that there is a high chance they could manage it on their own and didn’t want to burden you with it.

But as a mental illness progresses in severity, it gets harder to hide. For example, it might be harder for someone to hide their schizophrenia in its the acute stage than in other moments, because that’s when its symptoms are most active. If your significant other is struggling with this particular disorder, they might have chosen to reveal it now because it became impossible to manage.

How Long Have You Been Together?

The first important thing that you need to weigh in after discovering your partner’s covert mental health issue is the length of your relationship. If the two of you haven’t been together for long enough, then perhaps he or she had been waiting for the right time to tell you. After all, if you’d do the same if you’d suffer from a serious disorder.

Confronting someone with mental illness from the onset of a romantic relationship is disarming, thus you need to understand that most people that struggle with this prefer to wait it out.

If you’ve been together for a long time, your partner might have been afraid to open up to you about their mental disorder because you have reacted poorly to the truth in the past. Furthermore, it’s possible that they were healthy when they met you, but then their condition got triggered by to stress and other factors.

Consider the fact that they didn’t want to burden you with their issue. There are many reasons for which your partner would hide this from you. Instead of acting harshly, hear them out and make room for an honest and civil discussion.

Why Did They Hide It?

One final question that you need to ask yourself and your partner is this: why did they hide their condition from you? The reasons behind such a choice are many. As previously mentioned, it’s highly likely that they didn’t want to burden you with this information.

However, some people aren’t aware that they are ill and refuse to get help. This can lead them to act aggressively towards their partners and even resort to mental and physical abuse in to mirror their misery in the other person. Doing this to someone, regardless of your inner turmoil, is not acceptable. You are not obligated to put up with your partner if they hurt you.

However, if the intention behind their secrecy isn’t nefarious, keep in mind that forgiving your partner is healthy in a long-term relationship. On top of that, now that the truth is finally out, you have the opportunity to be the moral and emotional support that they need in order to get better.

While it’s by no means your job to save them, you can assist them in saving themselves. Prompt your partner to seek medical help if they haven’t already, and ensure that they stick to said professional’s suggestions and treatment plan. Don’t babysit them, but don’t ignore their turmoil either.

Conclusion

According to Psychology Today, forgiving your partner too soon can leave them thinking that there are no negative consequences to their actions. However, if the person you love most is struggling with mental health issues, you need to keep in mind that it’s not the right time to teach them a lesson in this way.

Find the power inside you to forgive your partner for hiding their illness and support them in getting the help they need. Unless their disorder has hurt you emotionally or physically, there is no reason to hold a grudge. Be glad that you now know the truth and stand by your loved one during this trying time for them.

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